Endless Musings

This blog contains the random thoughts, feelings, and observations of a slightly "left of normal" young woman.

Friday, February 04, 2005


I'm so glad it's finally Friday. This week has been one of the longest and most exhausting weeks I've ever lived thru.
My mother is doing much better. She still has a ways to go before she's going to be 100%. One of her biggest problems right now is trying to balance the pain medication so that she can function. If she doesn't take enough the pain is so bad that she can't eat, drink, or talk. If she takes too much pain medication then she gets nauseated. She went back to work on Wednesday and she's been very exhausted ever since.
I've been taking the medication for my bile problem. I think it's starting to work. The doctor told me that it could take a week or two before it totally takes effect.
This week I've been having trouble sleeping. I'm so tired all the time that I would think I should have no trouble falling asleep at the end of the day. I have to fight with myself to stay alert and get my nightime chores done and get myself ready and into bed (otherwise I end up sleeping on the sofa with nothing done.) Then by the time I get all ready for bed, I'm tired and wired.
Last night was the worst night this week. One of my cats, Guienevere, has figured out how to open the closed door between the living room and the bedroom. The way she accomplishes this is by pushing and pulling on the bottom part of the door until it opens. When she does this it makes a loud banging sound. She decided to do this last night just as I was about to fall asleep. Since I was startled back awake I couldn't just roll over and fall back asleep. So, I got up had a drink of water and tried to go back to sleep.
Just as I was ready to dift off again my neighbor upstairs either dropped something or something fell. At any rate, there was another loud bang (this time coming from over my head.) Being startled again, it took me even longer to relax and start to fall asleep.
The dreams I had last night were the kind that are so realistic that I can't tell at the time if I'm asleep and dreaming or wide awake. Those kind of dreams didn't help.
I feel like I only had two hours of sleep last night. I know that I must have actually had more or I probably wouldn't be able to function at all.
I haven't started working out yet. I know I said that I would in my last post. I've made the commitment to myself that I will go to the health club either tomorrow or Sunday for at least an hour. Even if all I do is swim a few laps in the pool it's better than sitting on my butt all weekend.

Tuesday, February 01, 2005

Trauma on the Scale

I had a doctor appointment yesterday. I had my gall bladder removed in the summer of 2003. Ever since then I have been battling gastro-intestinal problems. I'll spare anyone reading this the details. Let's just say that it's like having the stomach flu every day for almost two years. It took me awhile to deal with it because I was hoping to find a homeopathic treatment that would work. I also foud myself without insurance for awhile. The doctor explained that the problem I was having was that bile from my liver was dripping into my stomach and intestines. He explained that most people's bodies adjust after a month or so. Some people, like me, don't adjust. So he prescribed this powder that I have to mix and drink with water a couple times a day. He says that he has had great success in treating this problem with the medication.
I'm glad to finally have something to help with the physical torment I've been under. What I'm not glad about is that when they weighed me I realized that I am heavier now then I have ever been in my life. Just back in October I weighed only 116 lbs. Now, this was very small for me. You see, I had lost over ten pounds after having my gall bladder removed. Now I weigh close to 140. I almost fell off the scale!
I asked the doctor about it. I told him that I haven't been "pigging out" lately. He advised that my weight gain is probably being caused by two issues. Stress can cause weight gain. Lord knows I've had plenty of stress lately. He aslo told me that the weight that I had lost after the operation was lost because of the nasty side effects. Basically, it was like having unintentional bulimia. Since everything had been going right thru me for so long my body has started to retain as much energy from everything I eat whether I need it or not.
One of the things that's so bad is that I'm not one of those people who gains weight nicely. Some women can put on a few extra pounds and it just makes them look more "shapely." I put on extra pounds and it makes me look like a potato.
I don't believe in "diets." I do plan to start being extra careful that what I eat is good for nutrition and not just stuffing my face. I also have resolved that this weekend I will get off my butt and back into the health club. I've been so bogged down with everything going on in my life that I have seriously neglected working out. I hope that by the time the weather changes I will have lost 10 to 15 pounds so I can wear my summer clothes again.

Monday, January 31, 2005

My Mother's Current Condition

My mother had to go to the hospital Friday. The last radiation treatment they gave her was a stronger than usual dose and it caused serious burns inside her mouth. These burns caused a bad case of thrush to develop. This cause so much swelling and pain that she couldn't eat or drink at all. By the time they decided to put in a feeding tube the doctor who would have done that procedure advised that she was already too weak. He told her that she needed to go into the hospital and get on IV's because she had become dangerously dehydrated.
She's still in the hospital now. She should be released later today. She is feelign much better now. The thrush has cleared up. She's still in a lot of pain. The doctor advised that the last radiation treatment caused 2nd and 3rd degree burns in her mouth. It will take a while for these to heal.
The cancer specialist had wanted her to go thru one more week of radiation. After speaking with him and the other doctors she has decided against that. The doctors all agree that one more week with only increase her chance of survival by about 1%; however, one more week will do more damage to her entire mouth.
She's going to monitor her condition closely with the doctors to make sure that no cancer cells have spread beyond the known arera. There are treatments available if (God forbid) it has been found to have spread.
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